So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She's the barista slut.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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