Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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