I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
