Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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