you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
