Can Purell be used as lube?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
