This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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