My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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