Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
