I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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