If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
