you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
