i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm sobbing to NWA
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
