belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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