The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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