i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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