Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
