You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
