Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
