she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
