Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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