Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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