Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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