Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I want to fling myself into the sun
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
