Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
