I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just high enough for therapy.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
