During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
MIDGETS
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