You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
