Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Randomize
