TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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