Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
