Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
