My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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