Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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