TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
