You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
