im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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