my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
