If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
