nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
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