so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
