I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
