Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
