Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
