Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We have started to decorate penises.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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