69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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