You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
