so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
