eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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