i jhust puked up my retainher.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I can't put those talents on a resume
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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