Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
