OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
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